Okay so, I fear that my relationship is in trouble. I don't understand why its so hard to have both my friend and my boyfriend in my life, why do I have to throw a friend away because of conflicts that happened before we started to date? Life isn't fair, thats always been clear to me, when something good happens, its followed by lots of bad. When a friends in trouble, and needs someone in there life to talk to, and who has made bad choices but is a good person underneath it all.. shouldn't you always be there for that friend, expecially if their your best friend? My boyfriend just doesn't seem to understand that we're really good friends.. He hates him. But if my friends willing to try and make up for old mistakes, and prove hes doing better.. shouldn't my boyfriend try and be more understanding seeing as how much this is hurting. Ughhh!


As I said, life's unfair.. but what can we do?

My life sucks, all i wanna do is hang out with one of my bestfriends and my boyfriend Matt wont have it, this guy was involved in some mest up shit when we first started being friends, was into drugs, ripping people off.. one of thoes people he ripped off was my boyfriend, but it was before we were even dating and my friends been to jail since then, he says hes smartening up and I want to be there for him, i want to see him do good with his life not go down the drain, but Matt wont have that, he hates the guy more than anything. Matt seems to think that my friends going to try to get with me or something when he never tried anything before, why now? And hes got a girlfriend hes been with for over a year. This is eating away at me, how is our relationship going to take this? Im not dropping my friend because he wants me too, people can change and i think my friend is going to be one of them, anyway im out, just needed to vent.

Eclipse trailer is kickass!

I'm dedicating this entire entry to how excited i am to see the movie eclipse. 

So i seen the trailer the other day, and now im overly excited for the movie, they just better not have changed alot from the book because they've already edited way too much shit out of the movie, for anyone whos going to read this, im telling you to READ THE TWILIGHT BOOKS, trust me you will enjoy the books alot more then the movies although the movies are still amazing, but anyway the eclipse trailer was amazing, got my heart beating real fast, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner look sexy as ever in the trailer, and i just had to post my excitement on here even though its not remotly close to how excited i was when i first seen the trailer, oh my god my boyfriend must have thought i went retarded. Anyway i'm off, watching the biggie movie!

loveyoubby;; your my life!

Good news.

I've got a job! It's nothing special, only at Tim Hortons for now, but still.. its money and i'm freaking happy it didn't take me months to get another job. So now is when the saving starts! Not lots, just a little from every check.

Other than that, yesterday my mom told me she wanted us to move in with her friend and her son, and although I love her because shes been moms friend ever since I can remember, and I look at her son like a little brother I still don't want to move into their house, its not a good envirement for me or my mother. She said we wont go though, its a family decision so its going to be alright, we'll just keep looking for a place with no stairs because its hard on her hips, (she has austioporosis) with our little pom Foxy. 

Anyway, things are looking a little better on my part. :)

I've been making this kinda list I guess you can say, about my goals in the next few years, and i've decided im going to just post it right now, and every time I do the next thing on my list, im going to re-pt ost it with the next thing scratched out, just so I can keep track of how long it takes me. 

List

  

- Get a job

- Get a new computer

- Go to school every day for a month

- Start saving money for an apartment for the summer

- Maybe start saving for my puppy? :)

- Graduate school in the in the next yeah and a half

Okay theres all I can think of right now, as I cross things out im sure i'll think of more things to add in there.

Worried.. and impatient.... and stressed.

Ugh, this cold is retarded. I'm getting pretty fed up with this winter bullshit, I can't even go snow blading so whats the fun in snow when theres never anything to DO! I want the summer to return so this winter depression is overrr. I'm worried like crazy about my dad because he isn't working right now, and i'm pretty sure that must be upsetting him, I can see it in his eyes whenever I ask for money and he doesn't have it, which is kinda partly why I've been complaining so much about the cold, I'm not equipped for the winter, my clothes aren't warm enough. 

I need a job now more then ever, I remember wanting a  job only so I can pimp my out my room with kick ass stuff, now its for things that actually matter, like clothes, eventually an apartment in a few months, hopefully this summer so I can finally get on with my life and get that puppy I've been dying to get since I cant even remember. I'm going to be 18 in May, I've had one job in my life and im still going grade 9 work which is pretty pathetic because I should be graduating this year but i'm not, I should be getting my life started

after this summer but I don't even know how long it'll take me to finish my high school then theres college, thats so long until I can start my life.. ughh this is going to take forever but its all going to be worth it in the end. I hope.

I'm hoping to become a nurse and maybe move to Florida for 6 months out of the year MAYBE if I can. I sure hope so because I've got my hole life planned out in my head, 3-4 children, identical twin girls and a little boy when i'm about 24-27, when I don't have my cat Buddah anymore I plan on getting 2 male kittens, one a persian and the other a siamese cat.. within the same week. And then theres my dream dogs that I have to be very patient for because I don't have the type of environment to have a big Samoyed. 

One day I believe i'll reach my goals, i still have the opportunity to lead a good life and thats what i'm gonna do. At this point in my life I've got people in my life who love me and who I love unconditionally, my mothers adorable and awesome, I love my dad more then life its self and my boyfriend Matthew who was there or me when i felt all alone, he is the best friend and boyfriend I can ask for and i'm so lucky I found a good one. I love you bby!

I miss my brothers like I can't even explain, expecially my brother Jamie because I haven't seen him in so long, but hes so much happier where he is now with his beautiful wife, im so happy he found her. My brother Gates is probably the luckiest person I know, hes been traveling the world for a long time, but hes coming to spend a few months at my dads so i'm really excited about seeing him. 

Anyway, thats all for now.. not sure when i'll write next !

P.s ;  Ghandi I still miss you more every single day, please come home

Christmas, so close!

Ever weird, I have a job and im sticking to it! Its only at Walmart but its still basically my first job other then babysitting and stuff. Its not that bad either, hurts my back and legs a little but it isnt boring, it keeps you busy and you make money at the same time :). Im happy about it too because i can actually buy my mom and dad something good this year, like I told myself I would. Anddddd I actually have a bf to buy things for this year which im excited about because i CAN its mint!

Other then that im getting a little sad about christmas, i keep imagining myself getting a nice puppu for Christmas since Foxy, my current lil pom is my moms.. She was mine but it looks like my mother needed a friend at the time more then me, plus i was about 11 years old when i got Foxy so she basically got attatched to my mom, which im happy about because my mom NEEDED her, well now i feel like i NEED my own friend, i have friends, enough anyway but sometimes they dont tell you what you want to hear, sometimes they make you feel worse when there only trying to make you feel better. Yeah i have my cat Buddah but cats arent like dogs, I just dream of having my own dog to bring everywhere with me(Except for work ext.) Cant though, no matter how much i dream, it'd be too hard to train a puppy from an apartment plus my moms apartment is too small for a big dog, not like i want her to be big, just medium sized and all MINE. Its not going to happen, not for a while but a girl can dream!
Anyway im off <3

P.s please let us move outta that place so i can actually get my puppy! (yn)

Forever gone.. so it seems.

Okay so im kinda new at this stuff, and from what ive seen from other peoples blogs, considering they usually all start happy, well mines starting differently. Right now im sitting at my boyfriends house, and im upset. Really really upset. This summer my cat ran away, and that cat was my life, his names Ghandi and hes big white/grey ish.. he was my life, he saved my life and now hes gone, everytime i go to my dads i get emotional, like snappy and then i just brake down and i really dont know what to do about this anymore. I miss my baby minou so bad and it hurts so MUCH, i hate how this is turning into just tears, id like to start my first blog from a happy perspective but at this point in my life it just cant be done, for now i guess i'll just take it day by day and see how it goes but it doesnt seem to be getting any better, if anything its getting a whole lot worse and me missing him like this is taking over my life, for the past few weeks thats all ive been thinking about, its just waiting in the back of my head until im alone to explode and then theres just no stopping it, actually i take that back, writing this is actually stopping the tear, kinda like im keeping a journal for the world to see, anyways until next time.