Memoriesss

Memories memories memories.. ahh they suck, well the ones that came back in a flash because my stupid subconscious mind decided to dream of him last night. Well not exacly him.. more of the essence of him. I miss it, being loved, kissed, hugged. It was constant for a long time for me, the end of my teenage life was wasted on that fool. I really hate that we wasted a perfectly good friendship by dating, of course I loved the guy but he was a good friend before all this, and we messed it all up by dating and I hate it. That is mostly all that bothers me about the way things turned out between us, I honestly wish I could be happy for him and his girlfriend, but that fact that everytime i try to get over it I think that its her fault hes not in my life, maybe not entirely but she was the main cause, the thing that tore us apart. If he would have met someone after we had broken up my feel alot different. But im pretty sure that if he had never met her we wouldnt be in this predicament.


Who knows though, perhaps we can be friends again years from now, when were both matured and over everything from the past. Can ex's even be friends? That is something i'd really like to know.



I hate that I always start these things about him, I only feeling like updating this when my feelings are strong about something, there are other things going on too with mom, shes being all weird lately, I think shes on new meds or something, but i dont know what to do about it this time.. I dont have a nurse telling me what to keep track of.. its scary this whole mess with mom is just scary because I have no idea whats going on with her, im afraid shes got dementia or alseimers because shes forgetting an awful lot. Im afraid for her, im afraid of losing my mom and it scares me everyday.