What I have learned.

Woww, its really been since march i havnt updated this thing.. Seems like a habit to be starting this blog about him again.. but its different this time.. I dont miss him anymore.. I see what he did to me.. but as i see I havnt updated this since before all the drama with me and him escalated so i feel like i should share what has happened since then.

In April.. he started talking to me again.. Calling and what not.. coming up with excuses to see me again.. We had started talking almost everyday.. but he was still dating that girl I spoke of before. So behind her back he continued to talk to me.. we had built another natural relationship although it was all a secret, but he was there again. After a couple weeks of this he ended up getting drunk and showing up at my house and telling me that he still cared and that he missed us.. also that he didnt even know why he was with the girl he was with and that he didnt even wanna be with her.. After sobering up on both of our parts we ended up hooking up and he cheated on his new gf with me. He felt bad and what not but i was just happy as hell because i had gotten back at her for taking him from me.. She ended up finding our txts from that night and went home crying.. he broke up with her for other reasons and i thought things would be different for us.. Yet he got back with her, didnt tell her what happened and just continued to lie to her.. I found out later in all this that the bastard cheated on me with her .. his exact words to me one day were "We hooked up.. thats part of the reason i didnt come back to you was because i didnt wanna seem like a cheater". After hearing that and processing it I realized.. "WTF am i doing?!  This needs to STOP.." so i came up with a plan to tell his gf what happened even though i promised him i wouldnt say anything.. knowing it would fuck up what we were doing and would make him stop talking to me i realized that what was happening was not worth it at all.. so in my own way, i deliberatly pushed him way again.. but this time it was MY decision.. it didnt break my heart like it did before.. this time it just made me stronger :).

I know what happened was bad, but the little bitch deserved it.. and so did he. I dont regret anything ive done to them but i know now that i have my closure.. After all that.. im over him.. im finally moving on and happy with my life and im so thankful to have the people i do have in my life that care about me.

One day I hope we can make up and be friends like we were before. Im sure we will.. this whole situation just shows me that friends... shouldn't ever be more then friends .