Life.. why must it be so complicated? When I was younger it was so much simpler! I miss the days when worrying about money and food and keeping a roof over our heads was just my mothers problem, now its more mine then hers.
Not having a job is really starting to get to me, this is the first time in years that I havent worked, I feel so crappy about my life, not being able to buy anything, ever have money to spend, its reaaaally starting to get to me.. I cant handle it, I honestly dont like living right now at all, I feel like I hate EVERYTHING. I feel antisocial, whenever i'm out for too long around people i'm not comfortable with I get this horrible feeling of axiety in my gut, all I want is to just get away.. get home and away from people and things and smiles and all the fakeness.
I wont ever be happy I dont think, happiness isn't in gods plan for me I suppose. Some people are blessed with beauty, money and fame.. me, im just me.
I really dont think anything will ever be easy for me, it never has. I'd love for this feeling of emptiness to go away, its the only possible way happiness can get to me.
I probably seem like some depressed girl, which at this moment I guess I must sound that way.. My emotions are everywhere today.. Im not sure how to deal with how I'm feeling so I'm just writing, cause this is the only thing making me feel any better..
I miss being happy, I had to have been at some point, but getting there.. I don't think I ever can again.
